Great Falls Montana, population 58,950, not one of the most exciting places I've been, but forever burned into my recently traumatized brain. After a long day of flying I decided to venture to the hot tub for some very cherished "me time".
For a little background, this hot tub is indoors, facing the back side of the hotel. The back of the hotel is just open to the railroad and a subdivision behind that.
Well as I was soaking, I noticed this man sitting outside in his underwear, or as I thought at the time, a speedo. I didn't really think anything of it. I thought maybe he had been swimming earlier and now he was just out there cooling of or something. If there is one thing I have learned in this job, it's that people do strange things! I am not one to question the random behaviors of the human race.
I continued with my personal solace, listening to some Bon Iver while jets eased my tired muscles. Every once in a while I would just glance at the weirdo outside. It was dark, but I noticed some more strange behavior as he seemed to be taking off his ever-classy wife beater. Again, people are strange, so I just kind of brushed it off. My biggest fear at this point was that he was going to decide to come back inside, be Mr. Chatty Kathy and interrupt my personal time. I never in a million years could have imagined what happened next....
I look up and this man is butt naked against the window/door...DANCING...Great Falls full frontal strip show!!!!!!! For a moment my brain decided to seize up. I was paralyzed by shock. I had my phone with me and I was like oh my gosh...do I call 911 ahh what do I do, but then I snapped out of it and remembered that the front desk was only about 20 feet and a door away. However, I was a little nervous that he was gonna come busting in the door as I was by myself. I weighed my options for a brief moment and then made a run for it! Sopping wet I come flying out of the pool room and yell at the front desk, "THERE"S A NAKED MAN OUT THERE!!!!!!" The man and woman at the desk go pale white...the woman, "WHAT?!?!?" The guy, "Oh no, was he skinny?" Me, "I don't know!!!! He was old!" The man ran out the side door as I sat there frantically explaining the whole story. "I think he ran off that way, but he was old and I guess he was kind of skinny..." The woman suggested that I just go get my stuff and leave the hot tub. NO JOKE!!!! Did she honestly think I was just gonna go back in there and chill? NO WAY IN HELL! I'm not sure that I can even go to Great Falls again, let alone the hot tub!
Well let's just say that night I did not sleep well. My room just happened to be on that side of the building, and every little noise had me at the window, flashlight in hand, searching for the Great Falls Flasher. I had to get up early the next morning, and questioned if I could call in for this type of situation. The thought of their reaction at headquarters to this whole story was comical enough. I told the pilots I was with and the van driver in the morning about the whole ordeal. The pilots thought it was hysterical, and the van driver just kept apologizing. The rest of the day I endured Adam Sandler lines about loose skin and old balls. We had a commuting pilot who would be staying in Great Falls the next night, so of course he got the story too. He was going to follow up and see if they arrested him or something. We just told him to be aware of the Great Falls Flasher. When we finally finished the trip the First Office asked me if I was gonna be okay, and if I needed to stop for therapy on my way home. I told him maybe, and asked if the company would pay for it. They both just laughed.
When I got home I googled Great Falls flasher. Sure enough a news article popped up from last year when a man was arrested for a series of indecent exposure incidents. So either there are a lot of bored creeps in Montana, or this guy is back to his old tricks. Enjoy imagining this strip show!
So there ya have it. All these big cities I've been in, and the most traumatizing experience comes from good old Montana. Who would have thought. So just beware if you venture to Great Falls. The Flasher awaits!
